This article was last updated on: 27th April 2023

The Genesis Of Our Research

In the late summer and early fall/autumn of 2022 I started a survey with Christian men online to see what their opinions and experiences were of being a Christian man and what that meant to them. This survey has continued into 2023 and we are now close to having 100 responses, which is a good sample number. 

The catalyst to this project was seeing radical feminism and its ideals increasingly pervading in the news, the media and the culture, along with other influences like transgenderism and growing numbers of people, especially young people, adamant that men can become women and vice versa.. This was frustrating me more and more because I myself have been on a long journey of personal development in order to overcome the emasculating effects of my own upbringing, having been raised in the critical teen years, predominantly, by my mother. I was acutely aware during this time of the lack of a strong male, masculine role model and parent or mentor, which is why, before I came to Christ, I struggled a lot with confidence, self-belief and really asserting myself as a man and embracing my masculinity. I found it challenging to lead, to stand up for things, to challenge and confront people when needed, on crucial areas of truth and morality and I hated that. It’s taken me years to get past that and I couldn’t have done so without Christ, so I am aware of the internal battles and impact this kind of culture and these influences had on me and, because of that, I wanted to know if it was just me or if this was something more pervasive.

Was this affecting Christians in similar ways to non-Christians or was it not? What did Christian men think – are we males living up to our potential and responsibilities in the current age and what effect has decades of increasingly hostile feminism had on we who have grown up with this anti-masculine culture from birth? What effect have the increasing attacks on, what feminists call ‘toxic masculinity’, had on them and their upbringings and experience of day-to-day life? What is missing from Christian masculinity today and where are our Christian brothers looking for leadership, guidance and support? Is there enough of what they’re looking for and what they NEED already out there for them to realise their God-given potential? Below I will share my research results and I will keep updating this article as I go, so you can keep checking back here for updates. 

What We’ve Learned From Our Research So Far…

Responses So Far

How Long Have You Been A Christian?

As a Christian how do you feel about the current state of men in today’s society?

Here is a selection from some of our responses (identities have been kept hidden)….

I think it is more and more degrading. Like everything becomes sexist nowadays and it is even difficult to talk about the roles that men and women play in society. Saying that men should provide for the family is a problem, saying that we should lead can become offensive etc. There is no order, and slowly it kills masculinity!

Men forsake their responsibilities as head of house in today’s society. The enemy attack family’s by removing the father,husband.fiance or boyfriend then leave the mom to raise children alone.Children grow up without a father figure and grow up dysfunctional looking for a role model to look up to.

The role of men has been greatly diminished and the lines between men and women has been blurred

I feel we are sorely lacking strong male leadership, an assault on masculinity, and increased fatherlessness. We have too many gurus and experts, but not a lot of caring men — 1 Corinthians 4:15 For though you might have ten thousand instructors in Christ, yet you do not have many fathers; for in Christ Jesus I have begotten you through the gospel.

Its a tough question. Overall I think men are doing their best to support their families and ‘keep it together’ even in times of extreme psychological stress. The pandemic, in my opinion, is causing more psychological damage than physical (the deceased aside of course – Rest In Peace). I think the Devil is at work in many places.

Men are broadly effeminate, even within the church. Though there is a large undercurrent of masculinity on the rise, things are bleak.

How would you describe your experience of being a Christian man in today’s society?

Here is a selection from some of our responses (identities have been kept hidden)….

I think it has been kind of difficult to be honest. I was the only Christian in my environment, so trying to respect the commandments of God (like keeping oneself pure from sexual sin, lust, parties…) was challenging. It was very difficult for me to find fellowship with other believers, especially if the church starts to become also more liberal (like for example supporting LGBTQ, abortion, false doctrines..). So it has been a challenge.

Its difficult, there are plenty expectations from everybody and men are struggling stress and depression as they face unreal challenges.

Personally, I feel that we have lost the depth that male friendships used to have. There is no importance given to loyalty, deep friendships and tribal camaraderie anymore. There’s so much focus on money and entertainment, that we have decided not to make time for friendships anymore.

Lonely

Overall it’s been positive. I haven’t really been questioned or challenged in a way that’s made me feel defensive about knowing Jesus and also being a man. I’ve realized that society desires to be like Christ without knowing they’re trying to be like Christ. As such, I feel like most of my co-workers, non-Christian friends, etc. respect me because of the Holy Spirit within me. However, I am married and I’ve had some of my words taken out of context when I explain to people the different roles my wife and I have. This has lead to an opportunity to share what my wife and I believe about being a man and a woman in the context of the Church specifically.

At times I’m unable to fulfill my calling as a Christian simply because I am a man. Trying to help people, give support, show emotion, the list goes on. Being a man is so looked down upon that anything contrary to the definition is met with resentment or hostility.

I find it hard being a Christian man in an increasingly anti-Christian world. I am required to work with young males who are rude, ill-mannered, selfish, opportunistic, disrespectful and constantly swearing and blaspheming. There is little left of the traditional moral and social values we had. I feel men today are weak and soft, yet a Christian man must remain strong and masculine.

I feel pretty good because I keep my faith in Jesus Christ . And know that God will lead my path in good standing with Him and His son.

You are constantly fighting stereotypes of bigotry. You must live amongst people before they see who I am as a Christian.

What are some of the main challenges Christian men are facing today?

Here is a selection from some of our responses (identities have been kept hidden)….

Succumbing to worldly pressures has to be the number one challenge. There is an open attack on anyone trying to hold to truth while the world descends into chaos.

The emasculation of men daily; feminism, ever increasing fluidity of sexuality and gender (LGBT), women ‘empowering’ themselves through nudity/minimal clothing, body positivity movement, toxic men/men of low character

Standing for truth without being accused of being a bigot or unfeeling (gender ideology, LGBT, etc). Taking on the role of provider when there is much more support for women–this is something we are not allowed to talk about, but society still proclaims it’s a man’s world, yet all the resources and leadership is dominated by women.

The largest is simply knowing what it actually mean to be a man.

Mental health and false images of what men should look like and be like. Men are constantly being “graded” against something. Whether it’s how muscular you are, how much money you have, how many people you’ve slept with, how many people you haven’t slept with. Men have a false sense of strength because of these different expectations that’s been placed on them and this has lead to, what I believe, a severe mental health crisis in men.

Our culture has abandoned the Christian faith as the main source of morality and spiritual wellbeing. Hence young men turn to academic psychologists and rappers as moral authorities, and these influencers do not lead them to the Truth. Ultimately, our society is unable to help men develop into good and loving people.

I think an acutely pernicious problem that is plaguing so many Christian men today is pornography usage; studies have shown time and time again that the vast majority of men in society are at the very least semi-frequent users of pornography, and this is no exception for the Church. Our society has a very “hush-hush” attitude towards dealing with pornography addiction, and it is not treated by most on par with other addictions such as alcoholism, drug abuse, etc., those all of these are thorns in the side of many Christian men as well.

The pronoun game, pressure to act like women.

The fact that most people, even believers, are not being discipled by Christians and the Bible, but by culture and the news. When Christian men stand up for such beliefs, they are all too often just shot down, per se. When we try to lead as a Christian man should, we are often ridiculed, ignored, or something along those lines.

A water downed church that does not preach the Kingdom with power that goes with it.

Which of the following do you feel are the most important character qualities for men to develop in today’s world?

How well are men in general living up to these qualities?

1 = Terrible

5 = Exceptional

In general, do you feel men are currently setting the right example for boys and other men to follow?

1 = No, not at all

5 = Yes, totally

What kind of example do you think we as Christian men ought to be setting for other men and young boys in general today?

Here is a selection from some of our responses (identities have been kept hidden)….

Men should be inspired by Christians to be excellent in all areas of their life. In their relationships with people (particularly family), in the careers/education, in their physique, their speech. Their lives should teach other men the importance of loving, humility and integrity. Also the improvements of hope; that change is possible for everyone if they want it enough. That there is so much more to life than the things that they are currently addicted to; whether that is purely wealth, women, fame or power.

That a man can be both strong and humble. We can be stern yet kind. That a man isn’t to rule with an iron fist, but rather by God’s grace and strength. We should remain steady, strong and sincere. We should have unwavering morals and be leaders by example.

We should be giving them alternative role models to what the world has to offer

We have to show that we stand firm in our beliefs. We have to engage and show the younger men and boys that a life for Jesus is worth everything. We need to be the leaders of the men and boys that God has called us to be. This means we have to speak up and teach them.

Biblical masculinity is hard to come by, these days. Men are not given the Rock upon which they must build their character, and are rarely instructed in how to have Christ as their role model for what it means to be a man: Christ during His ministry was firm, strong-willed, and not afraid of conflict and standing up for righteousness. He was also, however, compassionate, forgiving, and tender to His disciples as well. Men need to know that it is okay to cry, just as our Lord did when seeing His friend Lazarus dead and buried for four days. Men also need to teach our young men and boys that courage is in demand these days, and standing up for what is true and right is absolutely necessary in a world that operates on falsehood, and extremely warped ideologies.

Honesty and integrity. Gentlemanship

We need to overcome our past hurts and learn how to guide boys to become respectable men. Men should become father figures and stop looking for father figures.

Unapologetic integrity, those in sin will be offended at the truth. Today people cater to the feelings of the sinful which is one of the most unloving actions we can make.

Outside of church, prayer and bible study, what is the one practical thing MOST needed for Christian men to develop the character and qualities they need in order to better serve Christ, their families, friends and communities? 

List of standard answer options for above

  • Learn how to honestly understand their individual strengths and weaknesses better
  • Establish more personal accountability to increase their levels of discipline
  • Seek out more mentorship and guidance to develop inner strength and character
  • Learn how to better inspire, lead and support those around them
  • Join or start peer groups and communities that foster their personal growth and development
  • Other…

Who are your favourite (living) male role models that we might know of and why?

Here is a selection from some of our responses (identities have been kept hidden)….

I like Tim Tebow because he stands up for what He believes and tries hard to teach those around him; Franklin Graham because he calls for people to go and do and shows us a servant’s heart; Francis Chan, because he goes out to teach and preach to everyone the Gospel of Jesus and a Christian life.

Jordan Peterson is one, only because of his ability to speak his mind in a kind, but straightforward manner. Mike Pence, he was unabashed in his love for the Lord and his loyalty to his wife. Dr. Franklin Graham, he has taken his father’s ministry and continued to grow it. He is unfaltering and faithful.

John C. Maxwell (His focus on believing the best in people and making them flourish) Simon Sinek (His resilience to live up to his ideals) John Piper’s integrity. Paul Washer’s zeal towards doing what’s right.

Charles Finney (great revivalist that transformed his nation, great sermons). David Wilkerson (great preacher). Jordan Peterson (a psychologist who talks a lot about current themes in society, he is really calm and composed ).

Jordan Peterson because he is like everyone’s earthly father

I don’t have many public models. But the men I do look up to are men that confess their sin often and seek repentance of their sin. These are the men that I trust will fight the good fight and finish the race because they know sin has no claim over their life.

Tyson Fury. He overcame incredible adversity to succeed and publicly gave his thanks for it to our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. He is a fantastic advocate for mental health recovery.

Pastors Voddie Baucham and Jeff Durbin, they openly reject our sinful nature and lead others toward Christ while being masculine men of God.

Andrew Torba, Dr. Jordan Peterson, Owen Benjamin, Elliot Hulse. Not too many people in the popular public domain, I’m afraid.

Do you feel there are enough inspiring male role models/mentors amongst men in general today?

How can Christian men set the example and make a difference to men across the board?

Here is a selection from some of our responses (identities have been kept hidden)….

Be someone that other men want to follow. Be honest if the things that are hard and seek out to mentor other men around yourself. If they’re Christian teach them of the importance of confessing sin. If they’re not, minister to them and show them how good life is with Christ.

Actively living for Christ. Particularly in a pure way. Making a daily habit to be teach others about Christ, be an example in the community and in their families. Use their wealth and intellect to help others see the importance of Christ in the world.

Stand firm in their beliefs, learn to lead other men and our young boys. Seek God daily in Bible and prayer and tell others the Gospel of Jesus. They must be shown as honest and willing to work together with others, as the servants that God is calling us to be.

Stop cowarding to the cancel mobs and public opinion.

The solution is partly social. More collaborative endeavours and team sports would improve our society and provide an environment in which relationships can develop and prosper. That way, the traditional institution of Christian marriage (between a man and a woman) can be known and shared amongst young men who experience life together, such that we can all value the commitment and faith of inspiring men who show their willingness to commit to long term relationships and to become fathers, such that they can share their experiences with others.

Motivating & support others; Doing a random act of kindness – it can be a life-saver

Walk the talk. Don’t spew worthless drivel of spiritual nonsense. Be real, be bold and be empowered by the holy spirit. Talk about hard issues, lift up and pray together. Be cheerleaders together

I think if more men were accountable it would go a long way.

Gather like-minded men who will challenge and push you further.

What more do you think Christian men could be doing to support each other in being better role models, fathers and leaders within society as a whole?

Here is a selection from some of our responses (identities have been kept hidden)….

Gather together and talk about issues in society today. People need to gather with like-minded people to be inspired.

Learn how to say ‘I love you’ to other men. Learn how to ask for and take advice from other men. Forgive their fathers.Talk about deep issues in personal lives (feelings lol but seriously). Invest time into building men up.

Join a community and accountability group of Christian men

Being welcoming of young men in social groups, not cliquey, and valuing other men as brothers. Being sober in judgement and conduct. Sharing their feelings and experience. Helping one another. Being open and listening to one another. Being disciplined and helping one another to be good men, loving and strong in relationships, including in marriage and family life.

Be honest with each other and attend christian mens groups and church every week.

They need to seek out other men and young men/boys to meet together and learn together. To do activities together and build communities of men, all standing firm for the Lord and mentoring each other.

One of the strengths of being a Christian is having a community, the Church, to fall back on in times of strife: there is no one Christian unto himself. We are here to support one another through the highs and lows, and as such we need to be, as Christian men, more fervently involved in the goings-on within our local church community.

Get real, stop with surface level and the games and GO DEEP!

In Review… 

I don’t know about you but I found these responses and the levels of engagement from those taking part both inspiring and fascinating, which really reinforced a lot of the things that I was feeling in myself and that I believed I could see out in the world around me with others. I was blown away by the overwhelming interest and support from you all as you will see when you get to the bottom of the article. I’ve so valued and enjoyed reading through and interacting with each and every person who has taken part, thank you!

As you can see there are some really inspiring and deep, introspective and thoughtful responses here which just shows the level of value and untapped potential that exists between Christian men today. Potential that doesn’t appear, from the responses, is being shared and developed as much as it could be. To me there’s a visible need for us Christian men to come together more to support each other, not just in studying and learning about God’s word, but in terms of facing and improving at everyday life; overcoming problems and challenges such as loneliness and insecurities about taking more of a stand against an increasingly anti-Christ culture. 

These responses and the individual voices that have come through this, along with speaking to a number of those people privately and one-to-one on the back of their participation has inspired us to bring together peer Support & Success groups as part of the Fellowship’s projects. If you’d like to learn more about these and are interested in being involved with one, you can find more information and a registration form through our ‘Involvement’ page.  

I hope to update these findings once we surpass 100 responses and it will be good to see what differs if at all from the responses we have received so far. I will also be looking to produce more research surveys as well, so keep an eye out for more news on these. 

A big thanks again to all those brothers who took the time and made the effort to take part in the responses to date. If you’d like to contact me, Kris, personally with any questions or ideas and suggestions you’d like to see coming out of this project, then you can do so via our contact page. If you haven’t taken the survey yourself yet, you can take part by clicking the button right down at the end of this page. Please do also share it with those you know as well, if you feel they will value it. 

As you can see below from the support and reception just the concept of A Fellowship For Christian Gentlemen received, the future for now growing the Fellowship looks bright! 

Thank you all and God bless, 

Kris 🙂

Would you like to be kept updated and learn more about the Fellowship For Christian Gentlemen, as described in the introduction above?